ADHD
Making sense
of my life

Some things may have felt familiar. Others may have given you a new way to understand yourself or someone you love.

This guide revisits the themes in Ellie’s slides and explains the ideas behind them. Read in order, or use the contents to return to the part that matters to you today.

How to read this companion

Ellie’s experiences belong to her; yours may look different. The reflections and everyday examples here are additions from Shared Spectrum.

Based on Ellie Kay’s Womens Talk 2 slide deck. There was no recording or transcript, so this is a thematic companion rather than a record of everything said. Quotation marks identify wording from the slides.

What may come easily

Her slides highlight creativity, fast thinking, empathy, energy and resilience. A deep interest can bring intense focus; a new challenge can feel exciting.

These are possibilities in Ellie’s account, not a checklist every person with ADHD has to match.

What may take more effort

Remembering, prioritising, judging time and getting started can be difficult. Perfectionism, distraction or a fear of getting something wrong may add to the effort.

Being successful does not tell us how much support, pressure or exhaustion sits behind an achievement.

Masking is the theme Ellie uses to explore the gap between how someone naturally behaves and the version they feel expected to present.

That might mean watching every word, suppressing movement, or working hard to hide confusion. These are illustrative examples, rather than a transcript of Ellie’s account.

Making room for yourself

Consider where you feel most able to relax. Perhaps you can ask for written instructions, take a quiet break, or fidget while listening.

You can choose what to share, with whom, and when. Being more comfortable does not require explaining yourself to everyone.

Rejection sensitivity

The deck uses the term “RSD”, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, for intensely painful feelings around rejection or criticism. Treat it here as language for an experience, rather than a diagnosis.

A delayed reply, for example, can leave a gap that our mind fills with a painful explanation. The feeling deserves care even while the explanation remains uncertain.

A pause before the conclusion

Ellie’s prompt is: “Would a jury agree with you?” A gentler way to use it is to ask what you know, what you are assuming, and what else could explain the situation.

Once you feel steadier, you might ask for clarification. Checking an interpretation does not mean dismissing a genuine hurt or unfairness.

Notice your own pattern

Her advice to “know your crap week” is a prompt to notice harder periods and plan with more kindness. Your pattern may be irregular, or there may be no clear pattern.

A simple note of sleep, mood, concentration and demands can help you describe what has changed. It does not need to become another demanding task.

Respond to the capacity you have

Where possible, leave more space between commitments and tell people what support would help. A difficult day may call for a smaller plan.

Menopause can involve changes in mood, memory and concentration. If symptoms affect your life, speak to a GP; new or worsening difficulties deserve attention rather than an automatic explanation.

Strengths are individual

The deck names creativity and energy alongside precision, persistence and deep knowledge. These descriptions open a conversation; they do not assign fixed roles to people.

AuDHD is commonly used to describe co-occurring autism and ADHD. A person’s needs cannot be predicted from a label alone.

Agree the support together

Different preferences around spontaneity, planning or sensory comfort may need discussion. Ask what works for the person in front of you.

A checklist or practical reminder can be a shared solution when it is agreed and welcome. Support should leave room for both people’s needs.

The shape of the role

Notice the tasks that hold your interest and those that repeatedly drain you. Enjoying a role and needing help with parts of it can both be true.

Ellie also raises self-employment as a possibility, with cautions about finances and procrastination. It is one option to weigh against your circumstances.

The conditions around you

Her preferred workplace asks “How can I help you succeed?” Useful discussion points might include clearer priorities, written follow-ups, a quieter space or regular check-ins.

These are examples to explore with your workplace. The right arrangement depends on your role and your individual needs.